Tuesday, January 19, 2016

End in Sight?!

Today is Tuesday, January 19th, 2016. Last night I felt that the end of my explorative journey is in sight. I started this "safar" (journey in Persian) in early 2009, almost 7 years ago. If I want to identify a clear starting point for this journey, it was a day in May of 2009. Early morning, I had one of the most vivid dreams of my whole life. In that dream, I saw a girl who was about to start a journey with a group of her friends, but when the departure time arrived, we all knew that I could not go with them. I woke up with the outmost sense of despair and urgency. I just wanted to tell her, ``I am ready.''

This dream ultimately changed my whole life. And yet, amazingly, it feels now that nothing has really changed. I have witnessed most amazing things. I went back to my childhood (in a most terrifying dream a couple of years ago, I faced the emptiness and void that has been inside me since some events of my childhood) and went forward to my old age (not literally, of course, but recently I had some vision/feeling that how my life would feel when I am old), and dare I say, I even met God (in the most metaphoric sense of the word).

Was the whole thing worth seven years of my life? It seems that the main outcome is a sense of acceptance. But, what else could, and should, I have done with my life? At the end, it's not like we can take anything with us at the time of our death. The whole life is a short experience. So I prefer to think that I had an amazing experience and I paid the price for it.

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