Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Meeting at Dawn

I met an old friend at dawn. We have been fighting for thirty years now. During the past year, however, I came to appreciate the positive aspects of our relationship. This morning, she came in peace. I was ready to accept her in peace.

Dawn hours are the best time to meet ghosts of the past. I wake up and stay up for a while, but if I can go back to sleep, I usually have interesting experiences.

I don't remember the dream. In a couple of seconds, I experienced this feeling of dread, fear, and sadness. I realized that I met the source or essence of my depression. It was a deep sense of insecurity. A child who realizes that ``things won't be okay and there is no hope for the future,'' kind of thing.

Depression is not my enemy anymore. It keeps me modest and is a good remedy for vanity. It also drives me to retreat periods that are necessary for recouping and getting over a big hurdle. Its company is not pleasant, but dare I say, it's necessary in my life?


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