Thursday, March 20, 2014

Happy NowRouz!

The Persian New Year, 1393, started today at around 1 in the afternoon. Baba (dad in Farsi) called 15 minutes earlier and as the moment of ``Tahveel: change of year" approached, held the phone in front of their TV so that we can hear those few minutes. He does this every year for the past 15 years or so, since we came to the US. I am not a big fan of the whole NowRouz and the New Year celebration though. In fact, last year I slept through the whole thing intentionally.

I have not felt real grief in my life, even though I have lost uncles and grand parents, but never felt the deep sense of losing someone precious. Today, after the New Year phone call, I had a very painful moment. In an instant, I saw the day in the future that my mom and dad will have passed away. I saw their empty space in their apartment. But the most devastating vision was that I saw there was no "baba" anymore who would sit by the phone and try calling me over and over, with his amazing patience because the lines are so busy. I saw the phone in their apartment and an empty space besides it, and something inside me gave in and I broke into tears because there was nothing else I could go except to cry.

We laugh and we cry. But living with the whole heart is painful. 

2 comments:

  1. Dear Reza,Happy NowRouz! Wishing you a super-duper extra luck Happy New Years! Here's hoping that all your dreams come true.Sometimes people forget how much 365 days actually brings to their lives. However, this is the right moment to reflect and to hope for 365 more wonderful days! Actually I understand your feeling about your parents.Since my dad died 3 years ago, I've come to realize that when someone you love dies, you don’t just have to say goodbye to him at the time he passes away but also at every crossroad. I've discovered that there are endless firsts and tough moments to get through, not just obvious ones like holidays and big events, but many others that are equally if not more challenging to struggle through under the heavy blanket of grief. Despite the grief, I thank him. I know that if I could get through the loss of such an intricate part of my life, I can get through anything. In this respect his passing has made me strong. I try to think of it as a gift. The gift of strength…

    Anyway,Don't let these sort of thoughts disturb your peace of mind. I wish you all the best for a long, happy and healthy life together with your family! :)

    ReplyDelete

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