A state of feeling secure is a combination of outside and inside conditions that is accompanied by calmness, openness, and curiosity. In the secure state we have compassion for ourselves. We are forgiving and at the deepest level of our mind believe that our value is independent of our actions and decisions. We can see multiple possible narratives and therefore have a choice amongst them. Choice inspires a sense of agency. The inner sense of security is manifested outwardly in playfulness. For some people this state of security is more widespread. For others, it only takes place in their sleep and dreams.
As we approach the boundaries of the secure state, we become more tense and our vision of the situation become monolithic. Our choices seem to shrink and we attach more and more of our self-worth to our actions and decisions. In the domain of insecurity, we cannot stop judging ourselves and our actions. We become self-centered and label our single narrative either good or bad. In a ``good'' narrative, we become grandiose, feel powerful and independent of everything and every body. In a ``bad'' narrative, we become desperate, critical, depressed and hopeless. Because most real-life situations are complex, neither of the good and bad narratives can be stable. Therefore, states of insecurity are associated with sudden changes in mood with some kind of manic-depressive presentation.
Extending the secure and playful state of being is a difficult but worthwhile challenge. There are some known approaches like therapy (psychoanalysis mainly) and arts. I have come up with a method of decision-making that I call ``Mahan method.'' I have used it for the past year or so and it has had interesting and useful results for me.