Friday, September 27, 2013

A Trip and More ...

I was visiting family and friends back home and came back on Tuesday. Today a friend reminded me that this blog has been private, for more than a month. So I changed it back to public. And I am writing this post.

Interesting trip. Had a few very difficult days, but I enjoyed it all, even the hard part. My parents are getting old and I felt that they may or may not be alive the next time I go there. The pain was real, especially the last day of the trip. Heavy pain in the chest. I cried and it helped some.

I am becoming more wholesome, lol, I mean, I feel that I am bringing back part of me that were isolated, hidden and denied. The main sign of gaining back your wholesomeness is that you become your own best friend and your main audience. In this trip, I felt less compelled to convert people :) I observed my parents, the way of their lives, and realized that I have good parents, decent people, moderate, reasonable. Especially my dad. Their emotional side takes a back seat in their lives, hidden and denied, but overall they have a good and happy life. I do not need to worry about them or feel responsible to make them better people. So this time I stopped imposing my ideas and values on them. Observed them and lived with them. And we fought some times, but who does not? LOL

I am making small but steady progress. Have not figured out what I am going to do, career wise. Tonight, however, I had a realization. We went to the usual coffee shop with Sima and met some friends there. When we left I realized that I "need" a special type of connection in my life. A deep connection with people. Genuine conversations. I cannot be a researcher. It does not suit me. I enjoy some form of consulting job, combined with limited amount of teaching. I need to make this more precise and come up with an implementation plan. But it is not a bad start.

There is much more to say about the trip. I took many pictures, shot video clips, and discovered interesting music.

Let's start with the music. Here is one of my favorite bands and songs--Iranian fusion-jazz style :)

Dang Show - What Ever Might Be

IT'S NOT ...

.. ``It's not your spread, and it's not how strong you are, and it's not how fast you are, because you have all those thing...