Tuesday, July 30, 2013

In an Art Gallery in Savannah, Georgia

There is a place 

and a moment

That I feel welcome 

as I am

Just because 
I am there and then

Just because 
I am present

And I feel my heart
escaping a beat

A Phoenix rising from ashes?
A dragon coming to life?

A shift in tectonic plates


What really counts is what you feel and think as the sole author of the journey of your own life. No one can tell you how to tell your story and how to interpret it.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Deep Dark Sea

``Where there is light, there must be shadow, and where there is shadow there must be light. There is no shadow without light and no light without shadow. Karl Jung said this about `the Shadow' in one of his books: `It is as evil as we are positive ... the more desperately we try to be good and wonderful and perfect, the more the Shadow develops a definite will to be black and evil and destructive ... The fact is that if one tries beyond one's capacity to be perfect, the Shadow descends to hell and becomes the devil. For it is just as sinful from the standpoint of nature and of truth to be above oneself as to be below oneself.'' ---p. 464, 1Q84
I am in front of a dark sea; deep, unsettling, sometimes stormy and wild, sometimes serene and meditative. I tip toe around its shore for a while. Then, I walk slowly in ... more and more ... the water comes up to my knees ... to my waist ... to my chest ... to my neck ... and I feel the sand emptying underneath my feet. Do I take the last step? What will happen if I do? Can I swim the deep dark waters?

The quality of my decision making is changing. Sometimes decisions come from a deep place within, and as long as I trust this place and as long as I do not force my thoughts into action, the decisions are executed with a flow. No, in fact, the decisions are the manifestation of the actions and hence are the flow! I feel a force, an energy, is being released inside me. Is this strange? Not really, the sea, specially a stormy sea can be a good source of energy.

Wind has no morals. It can generate electricity or destroy buildings. To harvest wind's energy, a structure should be in place that would keep its balance amidst strong winds; that would move with the flow of wind, and transform its energy into a useful form. Hence the balance is more fundamental than morality.

December 2011; My starting point: Communicae Darya ; Shadow
Trust ; Good and Evil
The Wild Horse
Children Playing

November 2012: Learning about unconscious from psychoanalysis:
Highlights: Addiction , Being in Touch , More on Unconscious
Psychic Agency and Vulnerability!
Ruthlessness and Intimacy

January 2013: Objectivity and subjectivity in decision-making: Found God or Something , Love, Promises, and Freedom
All in, all the way in
Imagination, Art, and Psychoanalysis
Sleep , Fear and Sleep
Revelations: It's in Front of Me
External Conflcits
HELLO PRIMATES!!! [Explicit Content]
Of Monkeys and Men

Acceptance Path:
Stopped fixing myself: How things are ... , Moving on ... , Where I go ... Where I came from , I Will ...
Balance: Freedom , Revelations: Evil Arises from Too Much Goodness ,  Acceptance and Decision-Making ,  Conflicts and Mental Constraints, Part 3: Healing , Good, Bad, and the Balance
Kindness: Baby Questions , The Source , Shadi and 1Q84 , Regrets of a Fascinating Being
Playfulness: Transitional Space ,  Conflicts and Mental Constraints, Part 6: Choice and Agency ,  Conflicts and Mental Constraints, Part 8: Story Telling , Diving Bell and Butterfly , Lie Baby Lie

Very interesting program from ``On Being":
Restoring the Body: Bessel van der Kolk on Treating Trauma with Yoga, EMDR, and Healing Therapies

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Good, Bad, and the Balance

The beauty of this part of Bach's Orchestral Suite No. 2 is simply destructive. Something in your soul bends and breaks but does not find a way to escape :)

When the force of coincidence increases, it first makes you euphoric, but at a certain point you feel the pressure of the truth of the imagination, the ``what if'' effect becomes unbearable. Maybe that is the origin of the truly extraordinary art.
``In this world, there is no absolute good, no absolute evil,'' the man said. ``Good and evil are not fixed, stable entities but are continually trading places. A good may be transformed into an evil in the next second. And vice versa. Such was the way of the world that Dastoevsky depicted in The Brothers Karamazov. The most important thing is to maintain the balance between the constantly moving good and evil. If you lean too much in either direction, it becomes difficult to maintain actual morals. Indeed, balance itself is the good. This is what I mean when I say that I must die in order to keep things in balance.'' ---p. 447, 1Q84
Yet, you cannot discuss them openly, because revealing secrets is devil's temptation:
``There is an episode involving the devil and Christ in The Brothers Karamazov, I recall. The Christ is undergoing harsh austerities in the wilderness when the devil challenges him to perform a miracle---to change a stone into bread. But the Christ ignores him. Miracles are the devil's temptation.'' ---p. 447, 1Q84
In any case, humor and humility are important assets for the journey :)
Safar: My Life Journey: Balancing Acts and Humor: Gone with the Fart!

And let's have one more quote, this time from NPR, for the hell of it, lol
Poems and poetry are, for me, a deep a form ofknowing, just like science. Yes, obviously, they are different. But each, in its way, is a way to understand the world.

Friday, July 05, 2013

I Will ...

I will be able to observe, accept, and ultimately love imperfections and inconsistencies, things that I perceive as bad, in myself and in others. Then, I will know my self as who I truly am, not based on some preconceptions.
I am familiar with this process through art. The most influential artistic works are not perfect and symmetric. They are full of imperfections, and they stir up contradictions inside the audience. So I want to see my own life (and others') as an artwork, beautiful because of everything it is ...

The lack of such acceptance, on the other hand, results in excluding parts of our self as undesirable and bad. When excluded consciously, we feel them as dark areas in our soul. When rejected and suppressed unconsciously, we feel them as void and emptiness inside.
... Ayumi had a great emptiness inside her, like a desert at the edge of the earth. You could try watering it all you wanted, but everything would be sucked down to the bottom of the world, leaving no trace of moisture. No life could take root there. Not even birds would fly over it. What had created such a wasteland inside Ayumi, only herself knew. No, maybe not even Ayumi knew the true cause. ---pp.368-9, 1Q84
This void inside, the emptiness that I have written here about and from it over and over, instigates an insatiable urge in us to "do something", something that we cannot identify, and because we cannot identify the source and the cause, some of us try everything to numb and distract: drugs, sex, porn, internet, gambling, computer games, and the list goes on and on! And sometimes the intensity of the urge to fill the void leads to self harming activities:
Ayumi must have feared that such a thing might happen. She needed intense sexual activity at regular intervals. Her flesh needed it---and so, perhaps, did her mind. ... She preferred wilder, riskier sex, and perhaps unconsciously, she wanted to be hurt. ---p. 367, 1Q84
In response to the uncontrollable urge to risky and addictive behaviors and activities, people with more discipline and will power develop and impose very rigid structure on their life. These constraints and rules assure them against the surge of emotions that originate from the void or the dark place within their soul:
I have to keep my emotions in check, ... It's time for me to stop crying. I'll have to change my attitude again. I'll have to put the rules ahead of my self, ... ----p. 369, 1Q84
And this is the tragedy of our time. We wonder what is the roots of extremism and the revival of fundamentalist readings of religions. There you go. When I have a void inside, a defense mechanism to deal with the resulting uncontrollable urges is "to put the rules ahead of my self.''

This final observation brings me back to the beginning of a journey that I embarked on, a series of posts on ``Conflicts and Mental Constraints, in April (link) and May (link).

Internal Conflicts and Mental Constraints: Part 1
Apparently there is no part 4 :)

Finally, another description and interpretation of the void inside:

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Regrets of a Fascinating Being

How did I miss the amazing aspects of my self all these years? By passing judgement on some of them, labeling them as bad and undesirable! By being absorbed in becoming someone else!

How sad! And how magnificent! At the same time.

Those who withstand the torturous thoughts of being torn apart will see the lights of unity; life is nothing but the sum of all contradictions. 

IT'S NOT ...

.. ``It's not your spread, and it's not how strong you are, and it's not how fast you are, because you have all those thing...