Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Revelations: It's in Front of Me

This is not a new insight. I always knew that my problems are right in front of me, and their solutions. In the past couple of days, however, I have been able to see them, some of them, partially as if through a haze.
One example is the first name of this blog: My Impossibility Theorems. When I started this blog in 2005, my life was defined by "impossibilities;'' they fascinated me, but I did not realize at the time that they were the source of my depression, hopelessness and frustration. I was the prisoner of my mind and all the self-imposed constraints and limitations. Of course there are practical boundaries and impossibilities in life, but the true art of soulful living is to play at the boundaries and with them, as I explained in a previous post [Transitional Space].

Another example is the story of General Lee surrender in the context of my mood yesterday [Today's Laments :) ]. Here is the part that made me emotional:
After the terms had been written and signed, Lee rode slowly back to his camp, where he met soldiers lined up along the road. They were cheering wildly. He began to cry, and as his men saw the tears, their shouts fell silent. Men sobbed. Some fell to their knees; others patted Lee's horse for comfort as he passed.
This is the story of a man's surrender to a bigger force. Part of my sadness is related to this process of surrendering. Giving up some hope in order to achieve another. I am giving up my career, my job, income, and the conveniences that I enjoy. It is possible that I never get them back. I know that I deserve happiness and a fulfilled life. In order to get there, I am going to make some sacrifices. The soldiers inside me are cheering for the new possibilities. But they also see the General who has given up his power and authority and they join in his mourning and celebrate his courage.

We all have a rich imaginary world inside our head and we live in a world full of possibilities as well as boundaries and constraints. A lot of amazing things happens when the two meet, at the point that our imagination interact and negotiates with the real world. For one thing, that is the place that we find who we truly are.

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