Monday, April 22, 2013

External Conflcits

Right after publishing the last post, and as we started having lunch with Sima, a simple disagreement between us escalated into a big argument. She first started by describing some events that had made her angry and frustrated. As I began to give her my feedback, she moved to a new discussion and quoted me about an issue, incorrectly. I started correcting her. She did not like the correction and that started a heated argument which caused me to leave table. Kind of childish in retrospect.

Arguments, quarrels, and fights are common in many households. Most people do not talk about them, except maybe with their very close friends/relatives or their therapists.

What bothers me about these arguments, and more generally my external conflicts, is that they push me into a very dark place in my mind. A dungeon, an abyss. A place of torture and torment. And once you enter the dungeon, it is very difficult to leave. Not long ago, it appeared impossible to leave. Now, it takes from several minutes to a couple of hours to leave this place, depending on the seriousness of the fight.

This is one of the last problems that I need to solve. I know that there is no perfect solution: Fights have always existed and will be around. I just need to be able to get through them a little more skillfully and without inflicting too much pain on myself and others around me.

External and internal conflicts are closely related. When we are in a relaxed mood and not worried about immediate issues (lower levels of internal conflicts), for example, we are less likely to get involved in a serious (external) argument or fight. 

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