Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Surrounded by Misery

Back in Iran, I listened to this album (Azarestoon) by Mohammad Reza Shajarian a lot. It is quite sad specially if you understand the poems:

اسیران بلا:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn7BimEqc-Y
 کامل - پنج قسمتی :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbh01Zwv2k8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0n1Q_BBQ5E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOnn-9ri_MQ 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKq8rR02pCU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-lOORyaPeI


اسیران بلا با صدای استاد محمدرضا شجریان
آواز شوشتری و دشتستانی
آلبوم آذرستون

ما در ره عشق تو اسيران بلاييم
كس نيست چنين عاشق بيچاره كه ماييم

بر ما نظري كن كه در اين شهر غريبيم
بر ما كرمي كن كه در اين شهر گداييم

زهدي نه كه در كنج مناجات نشينيم
وجدي نه كه در گرد خرابات برآييم

نه اهل صلاحيم و نه مستان خرابيم
اينجا نه و آنجا نه كه گوييم كجاييم

حلاج وشانيم كه از دار نترسيم
مجنون صفتانيم كه در عشق خداييم

ترسيدن ما هم چو از بيم بلا بود
اكنون ز چه ترسيم كه در عين بلاييم

ما را به تو سريست كه كس محرم آن نيست
گر سر برود سر تو با كس نگشاييم

ما را نه غم دوزخ و نه حرص بهشت است
بردار ز رخ پرده كه مشتاق لقاييم

مولانا

Friday, April 26, 2013

Off the Wagon ... What?

Hey man! You know, I did it again, picked up a psychoanalysis book. I could not resist it, it was either that or bombing the next local cancer walk event. But I figured terrorism is too complicated, and once you become a terrorist there is no way out. You know, it's not like you can put on you resume, ``Past experiences: accomplished terrorist, successfully blew up a pressure cooker full of nails and nail polish.'' I would definitely consider putting nail polish in it too, just for the visual effects.
But I did what I had too, and picked up this book, ``Partners in Thought,'' by D. B. Stern, again. I know it's lame. If you ask me, the whole psychoanalysis profession is lame, no offense to therapists and what not among you, but it is. What could be lamer than therapy? ``Hey doc,'' and you sit and stare at your therapist, and after a few minutes he goes, ``what is going through your mind?'' And you have to make something up, ''I am feeling empty and lonely ... and hungry.'' Bite me!

So anyway, here is a quote from the book. It clearly shows that I am quite a genius and the things I write on this blog will someday become the cornerstones of our understanding of human nature, or something like that.
Dissociation is a constraint on the freedom of thoughts. It is sometimes total, as in the absence of any shred of memory of early childhood abuse; but more than often the inability to articulate is not total at all. ...
It is not only the freedom of thought that dissociation prevents. It is just as significantly the freedom to feel. ...
In the largest sense, though, dissociation is not fully described as a failure of either thought, memory, or feeling. Dissociation is a failure to allow one's imagination free play. In many instances one can think of the failure of imagination as the collapse of transitional space (Winnicott, 1971) into deadness or literalness. ...
The absence of dissociation is not defined by the presence of some particular experience that has been prevented from existing. ... The absence of dissociation is defined, instead, as (relatively) unfettered curiosity, a point that immediately allows us to say that experience ranges from highly imagined to highly dissociated, with all the implied variations in between. --- pp. 64-65, Partners in Thought
You can clearly see that the guy tries hard to explain things in a meaningful way, but he lacks enough imagination to do so effectively. Understandably, as a therapist, he is the one who has forgotten to work on his own ``dissociation'' problems and improve his imagination.

Years and Years

I cannot believe that I have been able to defeat my depression. I look back at all these years that I have been fighting it, maybe 25 years, since I was 19 years old. And I ask, Where did all these years go? I tried so many things, medication among them, and it always find its way back.

Is it really gone? I hope so. But the thought that I have lost 25 years of my life to depression is sad. And the solution, appears to me, was simply to follow what I wanted. Well, not that simple when it comes to actually doing it :)

I am happy and hopeful and I am not afraid of admitting it, lol

Acceptance and Decision-Making

During my routine morning meditation, I had a strange moment. As usual my mind went to some decisions that I would have to make today. Instead of mulling over them, and going back and forth between different options, I just asked myself, ``what do you want to do?'' and I quietly answered. At that moment, I realized that this is my life and these are my decisions and I can make decision much easier, and even enjoy the process, if I accept being wrong and imperfect and committing errors and even being bad (see this post, [Revelations: Evil Arises ...], which in contrast to its simplicity I feel will have a significant impact on my life).

My therapist had told me, over and over, that I can let myself live the life I want if I accept and tolerate being imperfect. So I knew this at the intellectual level. I am not sure what happened today, but somehow I deeply felt this, realized it at a different level. I think that the events/thoughts/observations described in the post, [Revelations: Evil Arises ...], had an important role in preparing me.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Excitement

Today, I started the first step in cleaning up my office. In about three weeks my job at the GSU will be over. I cannot believe it. I am very excited, most of the time, and sometimes nervous. I have some sort of general plan for what I am going to do, but for the most part I am going to let events interact with my deepest intuition and sense of purpose and guide me. Am I crazy? I am sure some people think so. I feel happiest I have ever been in my whole life these days.

Is this merely the excitement of people who jump off a cliff, an adrenaline rush? Or is there something deeper and more meaningful at work here? Time will reveal the answer. But for the first time in my life I feel that I am steering my life, and take full responsibility for my actions. It's amazing.

Monday, April 22, 2013

External Conflcits

Right after publishing the last post, and as we started having lunch with Sima, a simple disagreement between us escalated into a big argument. She first started by describing some events that had made her angry and frustrated. As I began to give her my feedback, she moved to a new discussion and quoted me about an issue, incorrectly. I started correcting her. She did not like the correction and that started a heated argument which caused me to leave table. Kind of childish in retrospect.

Arguments, quarrels, and fights are common in many households. Most people do not talk about them, except maybe with their very close friends/relatives or their therapists.

What bothers me about these arguments, and more generally my external conflicts, is that they push me into a very dark place in my mind. A dungeon, an abyss. A place of torture and torment. And once you enter the dungeon, it is very difficult to leave. Not long ago, it appeared impossible to leave. Now, it takes from several minutes to a couple of hours to leave this place, depending on the seriousness of the fight.

This is one of the last problems that I need to solve. I know that there is no perfect solution: Fights have always existed and will be around. I just need to be able to get through them a little more skillfully and without inflicting too much pain on myself and others around me.

External and internal conflicts are closely related. When we are in a relaxed mood and not worried about immediate issues (lower levels of internal conflicts), for example, we are less likely to get involved in a serious (external) argument or fight. 

Revelations: Evil Arises from Too Much Goodness

I had a moment of revelation this morning. I saw that the source of evil is in trying to be perfect, perfectly good. In a way, this is the story of Satan (Shaitaan) in Quran. Satan was not satisfied with being good and imperfect, but wanted to be God and perfect and became the source of evil. We cannot be God, and trying to do so makes us vulnerable to very bad things.

This idea has been around. What I saw today was how this can affect my life. It gives me an appreciation and understanding for imperfections, errors and badness in everyday life, in people around me and in myself. If we can tolerate small dose of badness in our lives and in the lives of people around us, we reduce the possibility of horrible events.

We have had this discussion with Mazz for many years now, that capacity is very important. I did not quite understood before how dangerous is this drive to perfection, to be good beyond one's limits and capabilities.

Have a piece of music, tar improvisations in "Nava", by Jalil Shahnaz. I believe, not sure why, that he is not only a master in tar and traditional Persian music, but also in moderation in life, lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sI5qgwnUzs



PS. This is post is not very far from my recent chain of thoughts as in, for example, the previous post.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Internal Conflicts and Mental Constraints: Part 1

For several years I have been trying to understand my internal conflicts and been disappointed by the lack of resources on the subject.

Our internal conflicts are related to our mental constraints, the structure that we impose on our life. This structure comes from many sources, such as practical needs of life (basic needs, career, health), religious beliefs and spiritual concerns, and social and emotional necessities. Our mental constraints are also related to our ability to form expectations about the future and plan accordingly. These expectations and plans are sometimes formulated directly, explicitly and at a conscious level, oand sometimes indirectly, implicitly, and subconsciously. The structure that we impose on our life is important in resolving the ever present tension between our short-term and long-term concerns. As such, mental constraints become the source of our internal conflicts and struggles too.

Mental structures, and internal conflicts, are not necessarily harmful. They often motivate us to improve. There are times in our life, however, when we feel their overburden; when they become intolerable. Too much structure makes us prisoners of our mind and our past and drives us to ``depression.'' High levels of internal conflict results in self-sabotage in different forms, from simple acts of procrastination to serious addiction problems, and problems in implementing our own plans and dealing with important matters in our life. Moreover, to the extent that rigid mental structures limit our spontaneity and creativity, they also alienate us from our true self and generate lack of identity and purpose in life and emotional instability.

The signs of rigid mental constraints are important to recognize, specially when they appear together.

  • Depression that does not respond to medication. 
  • Inability to enjoy life without either working long hours or numbing oneself (with different types of addiction and addiction-like behaviors: drugs, alcohol, porn, tv, internet, ...). 
  • Serious trouble with implementing plans. 
  • Serious procrastination. 
  • Feelings of alienation. 
  • Lack of purpose.
  • Swinging moods.
What is the solution?

A complete solution has many components. One should definitely consider seeing a therapist. In very serious situations, when suicidal thoughts or impulses are present, one needs a therapist who can write prescriptions too, as a period of medication may be necessary. Mindfulness practices, as well as exercise and physical activity, help. I want to focus on a less discussed aspect of the solution here.

This part of the solution is related to the ideas that I have been developing in the past few months, including transitional space ([Transitional Spaces]), authenticity ([Authenticity], [Not-me and Trauma], [Not-me, Dissociation, and Enactment]), [On Guilt, Shame, and Authenticity]), creativity and playfulness ([Imagination, Art, and Psychoanalysis], [Intentionality, Eroticism, and Playfulness], [More on Unconscious]), subjective vs. objective decision-making ([Love, Promises, and Freedom], [Found God or Something], [Psychic Agency and Vulnerability!] ).

Dealing with too rigid mental constraints requires awareness, and reevaluation, of the different level of rigidness that we assign to the constraints. Some of these constraints are undeniably rigid: I cannot walk on water no matter how much I want to. Some are not so: I can choose what I eat for dinner tonight, or I may decide to skip dinner altogether, or to follow a certain diet. The basic idea behind my approach is very simple: Overly rigid mental constraints and excessive internal conflicts are essentially the result of mixing hard and soft constraints that happens for different reasons, and the solution involves creating enough (transitional) space between them to foster creativity, authenticity, and life.

[To be continued]

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

This Morning ?!?

Did not eat when I came home after class last night.
Woke up around 4:30.
Some stretching. Some meditation.Stayed playful in doing both.
Went back to bed and laughed with Sima for 15 minutes, until my guts hurt.

Why couldn't I be happy like this before? Before I decided to quit my job?

I needed to break my self-made prisons.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Japon

I went to High Museum last Saturday to watch the movie, ``Japon,'' by Carlos Reygadas [IMDB]. A powerful film with some shocking scenes. I am not a big fan of artists who use shocking effects though. Anyway, when the movie started I told myself, ``This actor (the main character) looks familiar!'' and then I realized that I can guess what is going to happen and finally I, sort of, remembered that I have seen this film before!
Anyway, I really liked the music and after many different tries I finally found the music with the help from the Facebook page of the High Museum, lol

Films at High:  https://www.high.org/Programs/Programs/Films-at-the-High.aspx

A couple of scenes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BD2K6dLe9k


Here are the music credits at the end of the film:

Sinfonia No 15. OP. 141
de Dimitri Schostokovich
Orquesta Sinfonico de Gotemburgo
dirigida por Neeme Jarvi
Deutsche Grammophon GmbH
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symphony_No._15_(Shostakovich)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xass4NtL08U

Miserere
de Pirvo Port
The HIllard Ensemble
dirigido por Paul Hillier
ECM Records GmbH

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gcylv8lAW-M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-PgVMXinO0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=is6xpWqPgLg

la pasion segun San Mateo
de JS Bach
Orquesta Sinfonica del Estado Hungaro
dirigda por Geza Oberfrank
FINH International Ltd

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St_Matthew_Passion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZoNH55F40E

Contus en memoria de Benjamin Britten
de Pirvo Port
Orquesta Sinfonica del Estado Hungaro
dirigda por Tomas Benedek
FINH International Ltd

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cantus_in_Memoriam_Benjamin_Britten
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUcazplAc58

Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Source

This post is more of a note to myself.

Yesterday, after writing the last post [Revelations: It's in Front of Me], I had a meeting with my therapist. At one point, I told him about some childhood friends that were very bitter, critical, and judgmental. I said that I feel so lucky to be able to be kind to others, because now I am beginning to channel the same kindness toward myself. We talked about other thins that I do not remember as being very important.

After the meeting I decided to go back home and work at a coffee shop near home. The morning was blissful. And then, I had this strong feeling that I am getting very close to "the source.'' That thing inside me that I always wanted to meet is now close and within reach.

I do not know what this means. A little later I saw a small bird in the back yard and I felt that she is so much similar to the source. This bird is my favorite and I had very interesting encounters with it before: [Kyudo Bird]. In fact, there is an interesting story regarding the death of one of them that I should write here sometimes.
PS. I wrote a story based on it, in Farsi, here: [اکبر پرنده]

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Revelations: It's in Front of Me

This is not a new insight. I always knew that my problems are right in front of me, and their solutions. In the past couple of days, however, I have been able to see them, some of them, partially as if through a haze.
One example is the first name of this blog: My Impossibility Theorems. When I started this blog in 2005, my life was defined by "impossibilities;'' they fascinated me, but I did not realize at the time that they were the source of my depression, hopelessness and frustration. I was the prisoner of my mind and all the self-imposed constraints and limitations. Of course there are practical boundaries and impossibilities in life, but the true art of soulful living is to play at the boundaries and with them, as I explained in a previous post [Transitional Space].

Another example is the story of General Lee surrender in the context of my mood yesterday [Today's Laments :) ]. Here is the part that made me emotional:
After the terms had been written and signed, Lee rode slowly back to his camp, where he met soldiers lined up along the road. They were cheering wildly. He began to cry, and as his men saw the tears, their shouts fell silent. Men sobbed. Some fell to their knees; others patted Lee's horse for comfort as he passed.
This is the story of a man's surrender to a bigger force. Part of my sadness is related to this process of surrendering. Giving up some hope in order to achieve another. I am giving up my career, my job, income, and the conveniences that I enjoy. It is possible that I never get them back. I know that I deserve happiness and a fulfilled life. In order to get there, I am going to make some sacrifices. The soldiers inside me are cheering for the new possibilities. But they also see the General who has given up his power and authority and they join in his mourning and celebrate his courage.

We all have a rich imaginary world inside our head and we live in a world full of possibilities as well as boundaries and constraints. A lot of amazing things happens when the two meet, at the point that our imagination interact and negotiates with the real world. For one thing, that is the place that we find who we truly are.

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Tonight's Resentment

I want to write more.

The late-evening class went well, except for a couple of incidents, maybe. On my way home I was amazed by a few crazy drivers who cut across 2-3 lanes. People appeared to be mad.
When Sima called before class, something she mentioned did not go well with me and drove me into a resentment mood, and when she asked about preparing something small for me to eat when I get home after class, I just said that I did not want anything.
Well, every Tuesday morning I decide that tonight I won't eat anything when I get home after 10 pm and so far I have never done that. On my way home I was thinking that could I keep my promise tonight. When I got home, Sima of course had prepared something. I did not ask anything. Just ate the whole thing and even a little more, on top of that. And watched Seinfeld for an hour.
Now I am filled with a deep sense of resentment. I hate myself for being weak and eating the food. And I hate myself more for paying so much attention to such a small, trivial event and blowing it out of proportion.

I wanted to write this. I want to write much more about these small petty things that have bothered me my whole life. This sense of people trying to control my life in different ways. The same people who love me. And this confuses me even more.
I think most people have such small problems in their lives but everyone is afraid of other people's judgment. I do not want to give a fuck anymore. People can judge me all they want.

I am feeling a little better now. At least I don't feel the urge to either smoke or get into a fight with Sima. I don't want to hate Sima, and I do not want t be overly dependent on her. There should be a middle way, a way for me.

Today's Laments :)

I want to write about today.

It started rather normal. I did some stretching because of my recent knee problem at tennis. It has been a few months that I have -not- done my morning exercise/stretching/my-own-version-of-yoga. I did not feel like doing it and I did not do it, as a way of being kind to myself.Anyway, today it felt good and reduced the pain in my knees.
At the end of breakfast, however, I was talking to Sima about taking some food with me for lunch/dinner because I will be teaching two classes and the second one finished before 10 p.m. and Sima suggested that she could make some eggplants and add to a stew (KHORESH GHEIME BADEMJAN) from a few days ago. I said "NO", in a sudden, angry tone disproportionate to what was happening at the moment. Clearly, something was lurking in my subconscious.
Things with Sima got back to normal after some talks, but not my mood. I smoked a cigarette before I left the house. I quit smoking for a few months, but recently I am smoking 3-5 cigarettes per week, which is something that I like to do if I can keep the number under control. I have been successful so far. Anyway, while smoking a lot of negative thoughts flooded me, thoughts that were gone for quite some time. I was blaming myself and was angry at myself.
While driving to work, I was listening to the ``Writer's Almanac'' on WABE. (link) At some point, Garrison Keillor was explaining the events of civil was when General Lee surrendered to General Grant, that Lee was disappointed as he was leaving the meeting, but he was faced with his troops cheering for him and patting his horse. At this point tears came to my eyes. Then, he recited a poem, "The Widow's Lament in Springtime,'' by William Carlos Williams, and I tears started coming down as I was driving the car.
When I reached office, I was checking the statistics for this blog and the post the were read/visited recently and this post came up, [Wandering Mind and Inner Critic] and I listened to Joyce DiDonato talking about our inner critic [link] a couple of times. It was useful. It gave me reassurance that I am right in not paying attention to the sad, judgmental voice of my inner critic.

I am not sure what was bothering me today. I am done with my first class now and I already feel better. Not that there is anything wrong with being sad and emotional every once in a while, either. But today the return of  that old sense of hopelessness and helplessness that is the critical feature of my depression was irritating. I am going to be patient with this too. In a way, my depression has turned out to be a gift for me :)

From the "Writer's Almanac":
On this day in 1865, General Robert E. Lee surrendered the Army of Northern Virginia to the General of the United States Armies, Ulysses S. Grant, effectively ending the Civil War.
Lee and Grant's armies had converged in Appomattox, Virginia, and fighting began at dawn; within a few hours, Lee realized his troops were outnumbered and surrounded. His choice was to commit most of them to slaughter and ensure a continuing guerrilla-style war, or to surrender with dignity. "There is nothing left for me to do but to go and see General Grant, and I would rather die a thousand deaths," he told his staff.
Lee dressed in a crisp, new uniform, including a red silk sash, gloves, and a ceremonial, jeweled sword. He feared that he would be taken as a prisoner of war, he said, and wanted to look his best. Riding his horse Traveller to the front lines, he stood under a flag of truce in full view of the Union army, and requested a meeting with Grant. When the reply came that a meeting would do no good, Lee responded to tell Grant that he wanted to discuss the question of surrender. It was a full hour before a ceasefire was ordered, and almost another before Lee's letter reached Grant.
When he did receive the request, Grant — younger, less experienced, and until just a few years prior an undistinguished soldier and unsuccessful businessman — immediately grasped the importance of the moment. Although President Lincoln had expressly ordered that only he was to negotiate peace and it was Grant's job only to fight, Grant seized the opportunity. Lee, he wrote back, should choose the time and place for their meeting. This gesture allowed Lee to retain a bit of power, and therefore dignity. Grant had no intention of taking him as a prisoner, or anyone else.
Lee's aide found an abandoned brick house in town for the meeting. Lee entered the house alone and waited in the parlor; Grant and a dozen of his generals and officers arrived soon after. Grant, who'd expected only battle when he rose that morning, was dressed in a private's coat splattered with mud.
They had both served in the Mexican-American War, and Grant reminded Lee that they'd once met. They reminisced about it, for almost a half an hour — Grant wrote that he'd been enjoying their talk so much he'd nearly forgotten the reason for their meeting, but he also admitted that he'd been embarrassed to have to bring up the subject of surrender.
Grant assured Lee that the terms of surrender would be simple: Lee's army was to hand over their arms. Grant continued to talk, going on about the prospects for peace and reconciliation, his hopes for a united country.
After the terms had been written and signed, Lee rode slowly back to his camp, where he met soldiers lined up along the road. They were cheering wildly. He began to cry, and as his men saw the tears, their shouts fell silent. Men sobbed. Some fell to their knees; others patted Lee's horse for comfort as he passed.

The Widow's Lament in Springtime, by William Carlos Williams

Sorrow is my own yard
where the new grass
flames as it has flamed
often before but not
with the cold fire
that closes round me this year.
Thirtyfive years
I lived with my husband.
The plumtree is white today
with masses of flowers.
Masses of flowers
load the cherry branches
and color some bushes
yellow and some red
but the grief in my heart
is stronger than they
for though they were my joy
formerly, today I notice them
and turn away forgetting.
Today my son told me
that in the meadows,
at the edge of the heavy woods
in the distance, he saw
trees of white flowers.
I feel that I would like
to go there
and fall into those flowers
and sink into the marsh near them.

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Transitional Space

Winnicott's idea of a ``transitional space'' was initially quite abstract (in his ``Play and Reality'' book). Recently, I have felt it at a more intuitive level and realize its importance. But how?

In my previous post [Baby Questions], for example, I ask the question of how we want to treat the child inside. A child has to recognize and work with real world constraints and realities. At the same time, the encounter with harsh reality must be softened by the caregiver so that it would not destroy the child's creativity and playfulness. The reconciliation takes place in a safe space, the transitional space, between outside real world and inside world of fantasy and imagination.

What does this really mean? Here is the way I implement the idea. There are some harsh realities in life. There are opportunities, however, to be playful, to experiment, to make choices and to be alive. I want to be present and alive, be playful and creative, and have fun when such an opportunity presents itself. With practice, I believe, one can extend this idea to more and more situations: to areas that used to be in the realm of harsh realities. That's the greatest achievement in life, when we can transform a serious, morbid situation into an opportunity to have fun, be creative, and be alive.

I want to remember the story of people in concentration camps who created works of art and in the harshest possible circumstances could add an element of playfulness into their lives.

Friday, April 05, 2013

Baby Questions


  • You are accidentally given the responsibility to look after a little child 
  1. How do you treat the baby? Are you going to be mean, hurt/torture the baby for no reason?
  2. Suppose you really need the baby to do something, how do you go about convincing the baby? Do you use force, logical arguments, bribery, playfulness, sulking, intimidating ...?
  • Now, you are brought into contact with a little child inside yourself. What is your answers to the same questions as above but for that little child inside you?
I was meditating this morning and started to remember different memories of my encounters with the little child inside myself and also little children inside people whom I love. Gradually, these questions formed in my mind and as day passed I realized how important and profound these questions are. 

Of course, these are not questions that you read and answer in a few minutes. You may want to keep them in mind and meditate on them every once in a while. I have a strong intuition that if you persist, they open a path to understanding your self and getting in closer touch with your soul.

Good luck!

Monday, April 01, 2013

Freedom

I cannot announce my freedom. Have you seen people who write on their blogs that ``this is my place and I do/write whatever the hell I want to''? It does not work this way. I have to act freely to practice my freedom. Fall freely in love, express myself freely, and so on.

The balancing element is my capacity. I don't want to go too far beyond my capacity and overwhelm myself. Actions have reactions. If I act freely, I should be ready to deal with the consequences. Limits expand only gradually, or we are left with a broken vessel.

I am feeling poetic tonight. Because I did a simple act of free will. Emptied my backpack at 11:35, found my pencil sharpener, sharpened my pencil, and wrote a little. It felt good.

PS. And I'm listening to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqckrCpYVPs

Franz Schubert String Quintet in C major D956 op 163 Villa Musica Ensemble

This is how ...

This is why/how/when I love Sima. Love and playfulness are closely related.

I have said before that intense love and passion help us free ourselves from our mind's prison.

Also, love grows with freedom and playfulness. When we force ourselves to sacrifice our wishes and wants for someone, we gradually kill our love. I think I have said this too before.

So, I guess nothing new here, except for this lovely photo, lol



Body Intelligence

As Lucy reflected on her outrageous behavior of the night before, the memory only served to draw her upward, like a flower toward the sun...