Monday, July 16, 2012

Rain

It has been raining, on and off, sometimes light and sometimes heavy, and the weather is pleasant. All this unusual for this time of the year in Tehran.

It's time to say goodbye. I do not want to go back to Atlanta, and do not want to stay here, either.

Everything will be okay at the end, and if things are not okay, then it is not the end! --- From a movie

The noon call to prayer (AZANE ZOHR) is being played on the old radio in the house. Something inside me is disintegrating slowly. I cannot focus. I am afraid of thinking about going back to Atlanta and face the same old challenges there. I cannot stay here either, I have no real ties and no way of living here.

In Kerman, I met one of my cousins who has schizophrenia. His father has the same illness and died from diabetes and its complications a few years ago. When I was leaving their house, he suddenly went back inside and came back with a novel. He gave me the English translation of  ``A Wild Sheep Chase'' by Haruki Murakami.

Things are not that bad. I started today very sad for leaving my family, friends, and country and also was confused and frightened of the prospects of going back to Atlanta and facing some difficult choices and situations. Sima came here from her parents' house. She was in a similar mood, more or less, and they (my parents and her)  tried to relieve their anxiety and sadness by helping me pack. That does not go well with me because I like to do my packing my own way and with my own pace. Instead of getting angry and starting a fight, I withdrew and did not talk to them for a while. She got angry and then cried a little and left.
I am sure she will calm herself down as I did. But it is important to me that we do not abuse each other to overcome our nervousness, sadness, etc.
 I am packing slowly and steadily.

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