Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Events Without Order

Sima suggests that I see her uncle's wife. She reads my coffee cup. Turkish coffee. We talk. I leave her house. Quran is played on the speakers of a nearby mosque. I feel light.

My dad is remembering his old time friends. Many of them are dead. His eyes well up. Something in his face reminds me of the old man, Bill's father, in "Kill Bill" movie. His trembling eyes. I want to cry.

There are two paths, a difficult choice, but they both end in the same place, and there is an opening. You will succeed anyway.

We go hiking. We talk, a lot. I feel happy. I forget my problems for a few hours. But they rush back. And I break something. This is broken, can you repair it? Broken, repair. Repair, broken.

You are angry at someone and you have turned your face.

We talk about sex. We say things that are never said before.

High expectations, excitement. I go to Kerman for a few days. The day that I go to Mahan is fun. There are a lot of difficult  moments. I leave my uncles house before dinner. I cannot stay there anymore. I walk for a while, buy a sandwich.

You have helped someone with "N" in his/her name. S/he is grateful and prays for you. Something good will happen.

I can't sleep. I think over the events. I read cards. You do not have resources to end this relationship. I sleep. I have a dream. I wake up disoriented. I write an email. I am angry and frustrated.

We wake up in the middle of the night and make love, with our whole bodies and no mind. Making love. How do we make love? What is love made of? How do you break it?

You hear an unexpected new. You will be surprised.

We go to a mystic figure (SHAH NEMATOLLAH) place in Mahan. We sit inside. I look around and wait. We leave when it's the praying time.

I take my cousin to an event. He is on wheelchair because of M.S. When we are leaving, I drop him on the floor. Everyone is looking at me. I am angry, I am disappointed, I am frustrated. Responsibility. Anger. Resentment.

We go to Damavan, northeast of Tehran. Night is cool. We sleep outside. I want to sleep in the open one more time.

"Las Meninas" is an important painting in the art history. It is done by Diego Velazquez.

Holding hands. Touching and being touched. Trust. How do we trust? Is trust in the body or mind? How do you let someone inside you? Does it feel vulnerable?

High expectations bring frustration. Know your limits. Accept them and then push them a little.

I am out of cigarettes. Short Bahman is 500 Tomans (~ 25 cents) a pack. They are okay. I finish a pack in a couple of days. I buy "Camel Light" 3500 Tomans (~ $2) a pack. I finish it in a couple of days too.

I smoke outside. Sometimes in the basement suit. I used to bring prostitutes there back in the days, and a lot of other things would happen too. Now it is an empty place, with a lot of memories floating around.

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