Thursday, July 19, 2012

Autumn Leaf

Today, I went to a coffee shop and practiced a couple of hours of "doing nothing." I felt that a few thoughts/decisions became clear in my mind.
In the afternoon, after a series of talks with Sima the clarity was gone.
Later on, I talked to a friend for half an hour. Nothing special was said.
After the talk, I experienced a wide range of feelings that caught me completely off guard. The emotions were so volatile and overwhelming that I felt as if I am caught in the middle of a storm and have absolutely nothing to hold onto.
Later on, this Persian song came to my mind. I could not find the lyrics in English, but the title is "The Autumn Leaf" and it is the story of a leaf caught in the senseless and violent winds of autumn, stripped of life and purpose. I was surprised by how my subconscious had found the exact song for what I was feeling at the moment :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyaI5a_ukrw

I do not want to complain but the thoughts that capture my mind are so extremely opposite at times that I suspect that I am completely losing my mind!

As I meditated on the song, I realized that the underlying story is the story of a heart (soul) caught in the turbulent emotions of love. The autumn leaf is a heart broken by an overwhelming love. Then, a poem by Hafez came to my mind (see this post: Connections and the two versions of the song, Shajarian and Bastami). In that poem (Ala Ya Ayyoha Saghi), Hafez explains many different aspects of love. Hafez says, "Love appeared easy in the beginning, but then the hardships appeared." How true is that? Hafez says, "It's a dark night, frightening waives of storms around us, how do they know how we feel, those who are on the safe shores?" And this was the most depressing and frightening thought, the essence of our loneliness: How does anyone know what is happening to us, when we are alone in the dangerous, stormy sea of love? And finally, Hafez says, "All my affairs have turned me (from an honorable fellow) to an infamous person, how do one keeps a secret that is being told on every street corner?" Wow, did I not know this poem from so many years ago? Did I not know that love destroys everything that is valued in life, and replaces it with a broken heart, an autumn leaf caught in turbulent winds of destruction? What was I thinking? 

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