Thursday, May 31, 2012

Differentiation Example

Last Friday, I woke up with this thought: It is so nice to have friends who are independent, make good decisions, and you do not have to worry about them constantly. Then, I realized that I cannot change people around me. I cannot force them to become more independent, etc. After a while, I realized that what I can do is to make better decisions, take good care of myself, complain less, and be more independent.

Since then, I have tried to implement that realization within my capacity. In particular, I have been trying to avoid "correcting" people around me, suggesting them ways to improve. I need to focus on who I am and what I want to do. Within my constraints, and this is particularly important, within my capacity, I would like to make better decisions for my life and take more responsibility for my actions. At the end, what really counts, for me, is who I am and what I make of my life.

Why is this an example of differentiation? When we do not separate ourselves from people around us, we tend to think of their virtues and vices as our own. We feel compelled to change them, to make them more complacent with our standards. Possibly, because it seems easier to push others to change than to try to change ourselves. Until, we realize that they are not us. They do not reflect who we are. The surest, if not the only, way to improve things for us, is to improve ourselves.


  1. I agree with loving ourselves, but there should be a "self" first to love :) Defining ourselves as separate entities is very critical, otherwise "loving ourselves" becomes empty words ...


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