Saturday, May 05, 2012

Crimes and Punishments

Why do we punish ourselves and those close to us? Not everyone does that. I do and I have seen other people doing it.

I have written about this before. In two posts, [New Self Discovery: The Delicate Force of Despite] and [Delicate Force of Despite: Example],what I describe as "despite" is one form of self-punishment. In my post, [sulking], I described my withdrawals and how they are ultimately done to hurt/punish myself and people close to me.

Here is a new insight. Self (and close people) punishment may be related to personal integrity. Here, integrity refers to the distance between who you think you are and who you aspire to be.

I wanted to write more, but after a few peaceful and depression free weeks, my depression seems to be coming back, albeit in a different shape and form now.

2:30 in the morning, a full moon night, roaches are out, horses are mad, and I am watching "Winter's Bone", a depressing and disturbing (but beautifully made) movie about shitty life in Missouri, perfect!

PS. (Sun, 8:22 pm) Things were fine today, no sign of depression :)


  1. We punish ourselves becasue we beleive that we don't deserve to be treated nicely either by oursleves or by other people. We feel we are not good enough to enjoy, to be loved, to be wanted..and it all come from a deep sense of gutil.

  2. Yes, but what is the source of guilt? Why do we think we do not deserve happiness, love, ...?
    I am becoming familiar with a new way of looking at these questions based on our lack of integrity. Lack of integrity seems to be related to who we are and the image that we have from ourselves and what we think we ought to be.
    I am new to this concept though and I am not sure about the validity of my conjectures :)

  3. most likely it rooted in our childhood memoreis, when our parents or siblings, intentionally or unintentionally made us feel bad about ourselves.


IT'S NOT ...

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