Friday, May 11, 2012

Birthday Present

Yesterday, Thursday, was my birthday. Thursday is Sima's baking day and she is quite busy, so she has invited a few friends for this evening.  Yesterday, I went to office to meet a couple of students. I was planning to go some place with a friend at work, as typical of Thursdays. I was excited. Things, however, did not work out and my friend turned out to be busy. I was disappointed. I usually get angry and frustrated in such situations and leave with bitterness and resentment. Yesterday, I deviated from my typical behavioral pattern. I stayed in the office for a little while and finished some work, then went and chatted with my friend a little. When she asked about my birthday plans, however, a wave of self-pity washed over me and I finally came back home disappointed and sad. Hugely disappointed and depressed. I even cried for a while because I felt rejected and hurt. Nevertheless, I did not take my anger out on my friend, as much as I could. More importantly, I avoided taking it out on Sima. I was able to differentiate between myself (and my emotions) and other people in my life.

Could I have managed the situation better? Possibly. But I felt that by deviating from my typical pattern of behavior, I initiated a good change. Small steps.

Today, Friday, I was still depressed in the morning. After breakfast, I did some work. But then I decided that I had done a good job in handling my disappointment and for that reason, as well as my birthday, I deserve to give myself a present!

I stopped work and went to play tennis at noon. It was alright. I got angry in the middle of the game and also managed to injure myself. Something inside my rib cage tore while I was practicing serve. (I had had a feeling beforehand that I would injure myself today.) After tennis, I decided that I need more attention from myself.  I went to a Thai restaurant nearby (Thai Chili) and had lunch alone. (Sima was busy all morning.) I got Pad Thai and it was not very good either. Then I went to the Atlanta Coffee Roasters and got a cappuccino. I stayed there a couple of hours, reading, smoking (outside). watching people passing by. The cappuccino was very delicious, but overall it was a lonely afternoon.

Nothing special happened today. An ordinary day. I had a few hours all by myself. I tried to treat myself well. I did not super-enjoy any of those activities. But it was important that I did it for myself, as a gift, no matter how good or bad the gift turned out to be. Most importantly, I did not do any of these activities in anger or despite. It was not an act of revenge, punishment, or sulking. It was an ordinary day, an ordinary birthday present from me to myself. Happy birthday old boy!


  1. Tavalodet mobarak! May the year in front be super positive and giga successful! :)


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