Friday, January 27, 2012

Impossible

Today, it seems impossible to understand what is going on in my life. Nothing works. Except that working keeps my mind busy, like drugs. I am finishing this fucking annual report, Faculty Activities and Accomplishments, which sounds ... I don't know. I used to enjoy working on this report, two three years ago, when I had some sort of hope for my career and life. Now, it is all lying and pretending that everything is okay, when in fact nothing is okay. I hate this life, period. I hate not knowing what the fuck I am doing in this life. I hate spending years and years in angst and anguish, fighting myself, a sadistic-masochistic life. 

PS. I finished the damn report and instantly felt better, relieved.

2 comments:

  1. I know how you feel! But having things done (finishing the damn thing :)) is awesome!

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  2. You are right, but for some reason this (feeling relieved after finishing the report) makes me even more confused. It is like going back to old days of working like hell ... what have I learned in the past few years then? lol

    ReplyDelete

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