Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Freedom

Yesterday, after I wrote the last post [Strange Deal], I had lunch with Sima and then slept for a couple of hours :) I woke up with an amazing sense of freedom. Quite new feeling. To give a better perspective on what happened, I need to mention a simple incident from Sunday.

Both Sima and Maziar have been telling me to be friend with myself but I had had little sense of what they meant. On Sunday evening, I felt a craving to watch the "Ghost Dog" film another time (after I recommended it to a friend passionately earlier in the afternoon :) I was talking myself out of going all the way to the "Videodrome" store to rent the film. Suddenly, I thought, ``If Maziar was here and he would tell you that he craved watching the film, you would go instantly and would get the film for him. Why shouldn't you do the same for yourself?'' So, I did it!

Last evening, I enjoyed the sense of freedom. I kept sweeping and collecting leaves, instead of going to Kyudo practice and then did some work. I had this strange sense that I am the master of myself and can decide what to do or not.

Last night, I recounted all the events for Maziar and going through them I realized a couple of things:
  1. I feel that for the first time I was able to talk to part of me that was hurt and angry for a long long time. I think the act of kindness that I did toward this part on Sunday was helpful in convincing him to listen :)
  2. I know that my current feelings and insights, are temporary. I know for a fact that I will be feeling sad or angry or depressed. What is important is that my body learns things slowly through each of these experiences. Every time that I get this sense of freedom, or satisfaction from doing the right thing, or deep happiness from performing acts of kindness toward myself, the feelings are stored somewhere in me, and after a while my body, like the body of an addict, starts craving for those good feelings and tries to repeat them. I think this is the true way.
  3. It seems to me that "feeling love toward yourself" is rather an abstract concept, but "performing acts of kindness for yourself" is a concrete task that we can practice.

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A folklore piece with DoTar:
http://nematolahi.com/mosighi/sonati/155%20yani%20che.mp3

2 comments:

  1. Congratulations! I was going to comment on your previous, responding to "Third, I do not know what is the other side of the deal, that is, what do I get back in return for not imposing myself into the life of others.", but was not sure how to articulate it best. Now I see you got your answer: "freedom"! By not spending your time, energy, love, ... with people who do not love you back or you do not admire, on things you do not enjoy doing,... you give you body, soul, emotions, brain time to breath, think, and do things that give you positive energy. You give yourself a chance to meet new opportunities, people, etc and ultimately change your life for the better. It is only after you love yourself and enjoy your own company that others can do the same too! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Nargess,
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, very wise words.

    ReplyDelete

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