Wednesday, April 06, 2011

A Chapter is Closing ...

Last Spring, I started a journey in "love". For me, who had forgotten what "love" was, this has been an amazing journey. I am glad that I opened myself to a range of experiences, amazing feelings and sensations. I mixed up "love" with attachment, dependency and co-dependency, obsession, over-indulgence, and tendency to control. I went through the pain of realizing the limitations of friendship and love. In the process, I also experienced the essence of letting go, only a couple of days ago, and that closed this chapter.

This does not mean that I am done with love! In fact, I discovered that I love so many things, including Sima, my family and friends, my students, poetry, music, and my practices. I also realized the boundaries that have to be respected and the necessity of letting go of the need to control.

I found a new friend, Hafez, in the process. Every now and then, he speaks to me through his poems, and guides me through rough times. Being in touch with someone from six hundred years ago! It is beyond my wildest imaginations.

I am curious to see what will be the new chapter and new challenges. I know for sure that I will have phases of depression, desperation, anger, and hopelessness. I guess that is my way of learning and fulfilling my life.

8 comments:

  1. I think everyone goes through phases of depression, desperation, anger, and hopelessness. I know I do. what I liked about this post was the element of acceptance. The fact that life goes on and we have to move on with it.... and it won't be that bad.
    Good luck with you and with the start of a new chapter! Best.

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  2. Interesting! I did not think of the acceptance aspect :)
    Thanks Daisy Jaan, and may luck be with you as well!

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  3. I am so glad to hear that you finally experienced the "essence of letting go".Iwish the "the new chapter" full of love and amazing experinces.

    take care my friend

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  4. taraaneh jaan,
    Thanks for your kind words. Honestly, I am amazed by this experience, how simple it was and yet how effective ... I cannot really explain it well :)

    I also wish you a lot of "love" and happiness!

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  5. Indeed, so glad to read this as well :)

    I don't think I know what love is and what are the boundaries I should respect. I know poetry and in particular Hafez is indeed one "good" way of starting to know love. In comparison with Hafez, Molavi is known for unconditional boundary-less love.

    Coincidentally, I found an old card my mom has given me many years ago with the poem from Molavi that says:

    از محبت خارها گل میشود
    ...

    and he goes on and on.

    I am not saying I don't like Molavi. In fact I have always liked this poem at least. But, they seem to be very very different.

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  6. Shadi Jaan,
    We can talk about these issues next time we meet (in Atlanta or in Chicago?) but here are a couple of things to ponder:
    - We all experienced love in childhood, many of us forget those experiences :)
    - The way to love is through openness and vulnerability. The scary, exciting, and beautiful part is that once you open yourself, no one knows what will happen. You will re-discover things in you that have been long forgotten!
    - Books, poems, paintings, music and all forms of art are closely related to love. However, to me, love is more of an experience than an intellectual subject. You need to get your hands dirty, LOL

    Thanks much for visiting and leaving comments, it is always nice to see you here!

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  7. Hmmm... that "Email follow-ups..." check box! I had missed your reply to my comment, Reza!

    You made me think about my childhood. Can't go deep enough in the memories tonight though... preparing a talk! "aaaah, what a geek"!!! ;)

    But I think I was thought or maybe I just learnt not to love much or become dependent too much in those days. I am so independent of everything. This is good to some extent, but also bothers me sometimes (or maybe scares me)!!!

    Anyways, looking forward to seeing you, hopefully soon :)

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  8. Shadi jaan, good luck with your talk and we will discuss things in a suitable time and place :) I am definitely interested to know more about the "independence" that you mentioned ...

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