Monday, March 07, 2011

The Voice

Woke up angry and frustrated. After breakfast, while smoking outside, I studied what I was feeling and realized that I felt nothing inside, no anger or frustrations. Very interesting!? So were did those emotions came from, my mind and internal conversation? The voice that criticizes me continuously? this time for watching TV until late last night and getting up late in the morning, and wasting time, and ...

Work is OK, I know what I need to do today. I will finish it and then will go swimming.

Today, I saw a peregrine falcon attacked a hawk right in front of my office window, the whole thing took a fraction of a second. Cool! :)

Today, a few times I got some news, or was in situations, that would normally made me nervous or depressed. But I asked myself a simple question: What do I feel now? As I focused inside and observed my feelings, I realized that I felt no emotions! I decided that those typical reactions (nervousness, depression, ...) are the results of my thinking, and not feeling. That observation ended the problem almost immediately.

Once during the day, I remembered a memory from a friend, a friendship that I have lost, and had a clear feeling of sharp pain in my chest, like an arrow piecing my chest and then an emptiness in my chest and a pressure.

After work went to swim and on way back home, I was watching the scenes while driving and a few times I felt something indescribable, a sense of awe and amazement, as if the scenes had something magnificent hidden in them.

4 comments:

  1. How you are feeling much better...It is hard to fight with oneself...
    Keep fighting

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am feeling better, or at least, more conscious about my feelings, thoughts, and limitations.
    How are you doing G.S. jaan?
    Hope things are better with you too!

    PS. I do not want to fight myself, I want to reach peace :)))

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am pissed at the moment and I am trying to quit sugar...bad combo! ;)
    If you did not have time to read the happiness hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt- you should- very good book!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for introducing the book. I looked at the brief summary of chapters here:
    http://www.happinesshypothesis.com/chapters.html
    and they seem pretty interesting.

    I hope you get out of the "pissed off" situation soon :) It is hard to keep diets when you are angry.

    Take care!

    ReplyDelete

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