Thursday, February 24, 2011

24 hours

(1)  Last night, after I wrote the previous post, I got very angry and frustrated: what was I thinking writing about "Persian mysticism", talking about Molavi and Hafez, and what these amazing talents have to do with my depressed everyday life?

(2)  I woke up this morning depleted. Did not want to move. Hardly got myself to shower, thinking: What has happened to me in the past three years? I started practicing moderation+mindfulness and at about the same time found a good doctor and right medications. So for a while I was VERY happy. However black and scary depression is, the other side of it, mania is seductive and bright. And I gave in to mania and lost moderation in incorporating new practices. Changed many things at the same time: how I worked, how I socialized, opened up myself to new relationships, and tried to REDUCE my medications. Made bad decisions, including an important decision of not going on a sabbatical, which is ending my career now, just because I "FELT" so. So, now I am back into depression, and it is all my own fault.

(3)  So, a very rough morning, but I got better during the day. But the peak was when I went to Kyudo. My second class after more than three weeks of absence. The first class on Tuesday did not work at all. This evening, things went smoother and smoother. Then sensei told us a story of a Japanese Master telling him that "Hanare  pee-pee", translation: release of the arrow is similar to peeing! translation: the same muscles that work when you pee should work when you release an arrow (not your fingers or hand or arm muscles!!! ) I then realized how relaxed one must be at the time of release so that one could do the release with the core muscles. So AMAZING!

(4)  Now, I feel quite well. I think Zen practices are fine. I have made right decisions, and I am on the right track to self realization! That I can incorporate elements of Persian mysticism into my life, but very slowly and patiently :)

So welcome to a day in my life ... and enjoy :P

*    Sima liked (2) very much, I mean my thoughts then, almost as if she was expecting me to reach this vision :)
**   I think most of the views in the previous post and this, even though apparently contrary, are complementary and the reality is a combination of them. I need to converge them into a coherent/consistent vision, or in other words, reach my wholeness :))))



  1. I liked your previous post. You were describing why Persian poetry is so important. Maybe it's not enough for you but still...
    It is good that you tried other things otherwise you would always wonder. Now you know :))
    I wish you best of luck and any advice you give me here or on my own blog, I take it to heart and I am very grateful for them. I just wanted you to know that. You are wiser that you think you are.
    i wish I could write this more elegantly but I just woke up and if i don't write it now, I won't have time later.

  2. Dear Lotus,
    I've got to be honest with you. I didn't put a comment on your last post since I was biased and didn't think it'd be fair! See, I don't have a good feeling about persian mysticism. I know that this goes back to old observations on how many dishonesty/showing offs/ scandals were hidden underneath practitioners of this school of thought, and it shaped my judgement towards it. That and touching some other practices led me towards what I have chosen at this stage of my life: simple practicality at the moment.
    Although it may change in the future as I believe that no
    ideology works for everyone/everywhere/always...

    I also see a more depressing effect in persian mysticism than energyzing (put Khayyam aside), so
    honestly, I am very happy you are back to your Zen practices and trying to release your core...

    Good luck in your mind/life endevours :)

  3. Daisy jaan,
    what you wrote made me feel very good, and I appreciate it so much :)

    Please do not look at what I write as advice, they are friendly sharing of information and experiences ;)

  4. Nava Jaan,

    I think I know what you are referring to, but for me Persian mysticism is what we can find in poems of Hafez and Molana :)

    About the sorrow in Persian poems and culture ... well, I see your point, but "SOMETIMES" I think having a passion is better than being emotionless, especially when I hurt by some people.

    Anyway, you are always more than welcome to write your opinions here, if you wish so, and I won't be offended :)

    Thanks much for sharing!

  5. Since I am not Persian, I can just say that I enjoy reading both Molavi and Hafez- sometimes they are just uplifting, sometimes they speak to me and give me directions...
    you should enjoy them...
    and as Mother Teresa said:
    "May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us." ..."

  6. Aftab banoo jaan
    For a while I assumed you were Iranian/Persian before I realize that you do not read Farsi :))

    Thanks for the quote. I specially like, and need to practice, this line: "May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be."

    Be happy and peaceful :)


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