(1) Last night, after I wrote the previous post, I got very angry and frustrated: what was I thinking writing about "Persian mysticism", talking about Molavi and Hafez, and what these amazing talents have to do with my depressed everyday life?
(2) I woke up this morning depleted. Did not want to move. Hardly got myself to shower, thinking: What has happened to me in the past three years? I started practicing moderation+mindfulness and at about the same time found a good doctor and right medications. So for a while I was VERY happy. However black and scary depression is, the other side of it, mania is seductive and bright. And I gave in to mania and lost moderation in incorporating new practices. Changed many things at the same time: how I worked, how I socialized, opened up myself to new relationships, and tried to REDUCE my medications. Made bad decisions, including an important decision of not going on a sabbatical, which is ending my career now, just because I "FELT" so. So, now I am back into depression, and it is all my own fault.
(3) So, a very rough morning, but I got better during the day. But the peak was when I went to Kyudo. My second class after more than three weeks of absence. The first class on Tuesday did not work at all. This evening, things went smoother and smoother. Then sensei told us a story of a Japanese Master telling him that "Hanare pee-pee", translation: release of the arrow is similar to peeing! translation: the same muscles that work when you pee should work when you release an arrow (not your fingers or hand or arm muscles!!! ) I then realized how relaxed one must be at the time of release so that one could do the release with the core muscles. So AMAZING!
(4) Now, I feel quite well. I think Zen practices are fine. I have made right decisions, and I am on the right track to self realization! That I can incorporate elements of Persian mysticism into my life, but very slowly and patiently :)
So welcome to a day in my life ... and enjoy :P
* Sima liked (2) very much, I mean my thoughts then, almost as if she was expecting me to reach this vision :)
** I think most of the views in the previous post and this, even though apparently contrary, are complementary and the reality is a combination of them. I need to converge them into a coherent/consistent vision, or in other words, reach my wholeness :))))
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