Friday, January 21, 2011

The Circle

  • I am reading the following which I wrote last night. It makes sense, more or less, and I can see "the circle", but unlike last night that I felt confined in "the circle", now I can look at it from above, somewhat detached, and definitely less annoyed by it. Incidentally, we had great sex this morning. So I want to go ahead and say: 
"Great sex gives you a third eye on the top of the circle." --Lotus

I have to stop thinking.
Life goes in a circle.
Only time moves on.
There is no escape from the circle.
I do the same mistakes, over and over.
There is nothing out there.
We are left to ourselves, to a dream, an imagination.
There is no good or bad, we make things up.
To escape the reality, that only death is real.
I have to stop thinking.
Life goes in a circle.
Only time moves on.

My depression plays me, plays my doctor.
It has a mind of its own.
It enjoys the circle.
The sad thing about dpepression
is not the sadness, crying all the time, until even sadness loses its meaning
is the certainty,
that it comes back, no matter what
that I know in a couple of days, I feel enlighted
then I will have visions
then I feel the pressure
then I feel sadness
then I connect with music and poem
then I cry all the time
then I see I am played by depression
then I feel enlightened
then I will have visions
then I feel the pressure

The kid inside me
is punishing me
for everything I wished for
for everything I did to him
I try to bargain
I give up everything to make the kid happy
but now he only enjoys punishing me

What is the point of writing?


  1. The fact that you are talented and there are people who enjoy reading your poems or can't wait to hear the latest music you posted on your blog because it brightens their day. you shouldn't let that talent to go to waste. You have to keep writing. and I know it is a selfish reason for me to say but I hope you always write because I won't start my day til I visit this place.

  2. Daisy jaan, you wrote everything I wanted to say. Please keep writing Lotus jaan, it is so nice to read your goes in please circulate for a long, long time!

  3. Daisy jaan and Aftab banoo,

    Thanks for your kind comments and sorry for my confusing words. I just meant literally "what is the benefit of writing?", but I did not mean that I wanted to stop writing here.
    The good thing about here is that so far I do not feel that I "have to" write, so I stop temporarily when I do not feel like writing and then continue when I feel like it :) so it is fun, overall, to write here, especially with nice friends like you ;)

    Today I have been feeling really happy since morning ... part of the circle :)

  4. lol! I am glad that the circle is not that bad after all ;)


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