Why do I joke around, so often these days, about my research and career? Maybe, they are too painful subjects for a serious discussion, a discussion that barely does any good to me (and certainly not to the listener :).
Your comment today, that without passion you can have a job but not a career, probed the heart of this deep wound. It is unbelievably painful for me not to enjoy my work and not be able to work as much as I used to.
As I reflected more, however, I realized that I have been working hard to deal with this issue and with my depression. I have tried many changes in my life and the way I work. Even though, at the time, it seems that none of the changes have improved my interest, and efficiency, in doing research, but I should not be too critical of myself.
This may be the time to stay calm, focused, and happy: if I am going to fall off the cliff, I rather go down with a smile! And we are back to where I started ...
Thanks for your comment that provided me yet another opportunity to reflect on what I am doing!