Thursday, November 18, 2010

New Self Discovery: The Delicate Force of Despite!

Here is a very simple observation, and yet, it took me months to understand it and I am giving it to you for free :)
Well, it is not really free, if you like it I expect you to give me some feedback, or better, some story of how this might have been applied to your case ... Please!

There are many reasons to lose the contact with the present, for example, being mindless while doing ordinary things. Another, more subtle, reason is having too rigid plans. Once you have a rigid plan for doing things, you become absent from the moment, you have already made up your mind. There is nothing more to observe then and you lose all the wonder, the energy, and the excitement of being in the present.

One way of getting caught up in rigid plans is out of "despite". "Despite" is very tricky, it conquers your soul without you noticing it.

My friend, "X", does something that bothers me, say does not pay attention to me or my request. So I decide that from now on, between choices "A" and "B", I always do "A" to get back at my friend. Amazingly, most of the time, this line of reasoning is played very deeply and subtly in my mind so I do not even notice it. (Even worse, sometimes I notice it but the "despite" force is so powerful that I preten I did not!)

My current strategy, to fight the "despite" motive, is to meditate on present and do not make decision (say, "A" vs. "B") in advance. I try to wait for the right moment to make the decision. A riskier strategy (because I am not sure about its long term outcome!) is to actually go against the "despite" force and, for example, choose "B" in the above example.

What is more amazing, in my experience, about the delicate force of despite is that when I am able to free myself from it, I get an uneasy feeling of suspension, in the middle of air, without attachments or supports. It is as though forces like despite define me, who I am, and without them I lose that feeling of self definition ... hard to describe this well!

Anyway, for me (and also for many people I observe) the "despite" force is well disguised and yet influential. Be mindful about it, please! :)


  1. What you describe is very abstract. could you please explain more?

  2. Thanks Daisy for pointing this out, I will try to come up with a good example :)

  3. I am still thinking about it. or better to say, trying to feel it.

  4. I like that you try to feel it :) Let me know if you have a short story that resonates with this :D


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