Wednesday, October 27, 2010

How it happened

The insight came later
once the rain started pouring
and the black lady in skirt and high heels
took off her shoes

She could not hear me thinking
how magnificent she was
running barefoot
on the wet concrete
of the empty street

Out of reach
out of control
as life flourishes
in the fullness of
an unexpected moment

Monday, October 25, 2010


Things are unfolding in a very curious way ... I am understanding more of myself and what has been happening to me, but the process is strange, nothing close to what I have read in books, or heard from friends, it is just patience and trust combined with mindfulness and good luck ... pretty strange and to be honest a little dull, not really exciting for the most part :P 

Friday, October 22, 2010

Enneagram Type and Mindful Observer

My RHETI Enneagram Type Indicator Results

From the site 
Your highest score will indicate you basic type, or it will be among the top 2-3 scores. You have answered all the questions -- terrific!

Type 1 Type 2 Type 3 Type 4 Type 5 Type 6 Type 7 Type 8 Type 9
4 3 3 8 6 2 4 0 6

My Enneagram Type Indicator Results - New Test

Type 1 Type 2 Type 3 Type 4 Type 5 Type 6 Type 7 Type 8 Type 9
-2 2 -5 6 2 1 2 -10 4

The Nine Personality Types of the Enneagram

Type 1: The Reformer. The rational, idealistic type.
Type 2: The Helper. The caring, nurturing type.
Type 3: The Motivator. The adaptable, success-oriented type.
Type 4: The Artist. The intuitive, reserved type.
Type 5: The Thinker. The perceptive, cerebral type.
Type 6: The Skeptic. The committed, security-oriented type.
Type 7: The Generalist. The enthusiastic, productive type.
Type 8: The Leader. The powerful, aggressive type.
Type 9: The Peacemaker. The easygoing, accommodating type.

An article on "Using the Enneagram to Develop Mindfulness and Your Self Observer"  

Share Point

Not sure if it is true for everyone, but I need friends so that I can share my moments. Even when I was a child, some of my closest friends-kids were very cruel to me, but still I had to share things with them.
And it is only with closest friends that I feel the trust and protection required for sharing deep thoughts, feelings, and moments.
Obviously, such a level of trust only develops over a long time, years, or maybe under very harsh circumstances.
An intriguing question is that, why I cannot be my closest friend, as Sima always advises me to be! :)

Saturday, October 16, 2010


Maybe we say hello,   for the laments of saying goodbye
Maybe we love and cherish,  to the disappointment of a turning back
Maybe we share our pains,  to the ridicule of a wise smile
Maybe we loose our souls to an eye, to be slaughtered with a blink
Maybe we should cry from the top of a skyscraper,  to the winds of a cold blue sky

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Pablo Neruda

Thanks to Veronica N (from here, who apparently found this translation in City Lights' The Essential Neruda):

Full woman, carnal apple, hot moon,
thick smell of seaweed, crushed mud and light,
what obscure clarity opens between your columns?
What ancient night does man touch with his senses?

Ah, loving is a voyage with water and with stars,
with drowning air and brusque storms of flour:
loving is a battle of lightning bolts,
and two bodies, overcome by one honey.

Kiss by kiss I travel across your small infinity,
your images, your rivers, your diminutive villages,
and the genital fire transformed into delight
runs through the narrow trails of blood
until it plunges itself, like a nocturnal carnation,
until it is and is nothing more but a ray in the shadows.
(translated by Mark Eisner)

http: //

Monday, October 11, 2010


My unborn children
deformed, ugly, comic, horrific.

They are taking them all
down the heaviest chain
hanging into darkest ocean,

to slaughter


به *** ميگن : کدوم حيوونيه که آدمو صبح براي نماز از خواب بيدار ميکنه؟ میگه : بابام

Sunday, October 10, 2010

10-10-10 10:10

Sima tells me, sometimes, that I am a prisoner of my mind in my relationships, that I am not present, in the moment, enough to realize who really loves me and who does not, and to realize that whom I really love and whom I don't.

This is quite a puzzling situation :)

On Habits and Sense of Time

Friday, October 08, 2010

Women, Food, and Love

``Women, Food, and Love,'' a book by Geneen Roth, 2010.

Interesting excerpts from the book:

``When a diabetics tells me that she can't eat what she wants because what she wants will kill her (and therefore she feels deprived), my response is that what will kill her is wanting another life than the one she has, another condition than the one that is hers. Hell is the lack of connection between the thought that she wants to eat the entire cake and the reality that eating the cake would send her into a diabetic coma. It's not the `Guideline' that needs to be examined, it's her argument with reality. It's not her eating that is killing her, it's her refusal to accept her situation.'' p. 184

``           The Eating Guidelines:
  1. Eat when you are hungry.
  2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.
  3. Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations or music.
  4. Eat what your body wants.
  5. Eat until you are satisfied.
  6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.
  7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure. " p. 211

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Rumi and Bach?

There are some very powerful forces that you may encounter in life. Usually they just pass you by if you keep a safe distance. If you are overly curious and put yourself in their path, though, they simply crash you into pieces, unless you are a force yourself (that is, you have worked consistently and prepared for such encounters :)

Forces do not have mercy or compassion. It is like asking a hurricane to be nice!

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Strange Feelings - My Laments

The past couple of weeks (with increased medications!:) have been strange. I feel really good for a few days, and then depressed for a couple of days. Added to that, recently, even when I feel happy, I also have a deep feeling that something is not "right", a sense of being on a sharp edge such that any moment I can fall (to depression?)  and I am more irritable too.

It is not that I want to give up, but sometimes the only thing I wish for is to have moments of peace, I guess it is too much to ask :)

Caution: This video has a very nice music, but some graphic images of violence and such.

رفتم اگر از جمع عزیزان گله دارم               پیموده ره پاک شهیدان گله دارم
خودخواهی یاران سبب دلشکنی هاست       زین شیشه بشکسته و پاشان گله دارم
 بیگانه اگر ظلم و جفا کرد ، عجب نیست      از غفلت و بی مهری یاران گله دارم 
جان در ره جانان شد و یاران همه غافل       با جان بخون خفته ز جانان گله دارم

 I have watched/listened to the video 10-15 times today. Here are some insensitive comments:
 - I really like the Afghanis way of singing Parsi songs, as Hafez would say, there is some "ESHVE" and "TANNAZI" in their voice.
- They say a person's eye after death capture the last moments of the life. Here, Neda's eye definitely captures her sense of terror and her frightened soul. But more than that there is an innocent "surprise" in her eyes, simply saying, what happened? How did this come upon me? Am I dreaming? Who is the person who is taking my picture?

Here is another video with an old and favorite song and the same content (about Neda):

Caution: This video has a very nice music, but some graphic images of violence and such.

IT'S NOT ...

.. ``It's not your spread, and it's not how strong you are, and it's not how fast you are, because you have all those thing...