I used to tell a story about what happened in the past year and a half. That I started the mindfulness path (for the lack of a better word :) and got more and more involved in it, that I am opening myself up to my potentials and building a harmony. I may have to change my job or life path, but it is in the right direction.
Today, I came up with an alternative story, which is interesting, educative and horrifying. For the first six months or so after I started the mindfulness, everything was going fine. I had a few month of the best time in my whole life, maybe due to the freshness of the new path. However, as new practices became less "new", instead of simply living the life as it happens, I had to get to newer levels. So, I increased my commitments to change, and broke many attachments. The sad thing is that the whole purpose of mindfulness is to live life fully, not to escape from it!
I do not know which story is happening, time will tell me. The alternative story does not sound good: I will lose my current job, social and economic position in a year. Many people that I have had the fortune to know, and situations that I created, simply depend on my current state, and I may lose all of them. I read this yesterday, "If you make stupis choices, don't look for sympathy as you face the grave consequences!"
A few months ago I wrote on my office board, "ASK TOUGH QUESTIONS, GIVE HONEST ANSWERS!" Now I ask myself, what was my motive for what I did in the past year? Was it really to realize my self, or to escape the life realities, to avoid living the life as it goes? I have to gather my courage to face the honest answer :)))
Coming to think of it, does it really matter why I made those choices? For whatever reason, I made them and I have to face the consequences, and the rest is stories that I tell myself :)
Strange! I just came across a possible answer to my last question [here]: We are the stories we tell our selves!
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