Even though the following may appear totally crazy, but there is some truth to it!
I have been able to contact "the kid", or my 2-3 years old self as I envision based on a very old photograph. The few encounters have been very emotional and painful.
In the last encounter yesterday, I promised the kid to do whatever he wants, if he agrees to show up! Today, after a week of almost constant depression, I felt really alive and energetic, as though the kid was playing joyfully inside me. I had not felt so much energy and playfulness in a while.
Then, it came to a serious decision and I refused to do what the kid wanted. I did not really think about the decision, and yet, another part of me "felt" the kid's decision was not right. I tried to patiently reason with the kid, but at some point lost patience. And the kid started acting up and forced me back into deep anger, self-hatred, and depression!
Clearly, I cannot do whatever the kid wants because he is very wild. I need to find some way of explaining things to him and convincing him. It is like I have to learn parenting :)
Well, if you have any experience dealing with your inside-kid-self, please share!
Also, if you have suggestions about best ways of dealing with kids and reasoning with them, also please share!
If the post is too crazy for you, well, do not worry ...
Sima is totally fed up with this, she thinks I am crazy and need more/different medications.