Sunday, August 01, 2010

Four weeks

Important four weeks I spent in Iran. When I was leaving, I had a very strong feeling of never seeing my house in Atlanta again. I watched "dead man" and cried a lot my goodbyes. In Iran, I decided to detach myself from everything in the US, which took me a week to complete. Then, I was much more with my surroundings and moments. Not all experiences was pleasant, obviously, but I learned a lot from, and influenced, many.

One realization was important. I used to divide my life into periods of depression (angry, nervous, sad, fighting and hurting people close) and otherwise (not depressed, energized, in a good mood). I realized that this separation has become artificial. That, my depressed self is part of me that has to exist. Today, I started an attempt to recognize and respect the "depressed" side by discussing them, as part of me, with Sima. I explained some of the censored thoughts and feelings that were ignored, marginalized, and repressed, by being labeled as "depression thoughts". It was very difficult to stay calm and process those feelings and thoughts as they appeared, very difficult. Meanwhile, I understood that by repressing them, I have turned them into monsters that fed into my "depression".

The path to self discovery is amazing, if you walk it. No matter how much I read and conceptualized it, nothing happened until I started to walk, step by step, the path. It is not all comfortable and happy, but it deepens and enrich the life experience.

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