Saturday, June 19, 2010

Healthy Sexuality, Self-Nurturing, Moderation

From Maureen Canning book, ``Lust, Anger, Love'':

``Healthy sexuality is 10 percent about our genitals, while the remaining 90 percent is about our life force, our creativity, and our passion. This energy taps into the core of who we are. ... Our sexuality comes from the depth of our being, ... Examining and integrating our healthy sexual selves from this perspective results in much more than just `mind-blowing sex'. It provides a spectrum of possibilities, a transformation of the whole self.'' (p. 216)

``Male resistance to self-nurturing [e.g., stimulating senses by lighting incense or scented candles] is a universal pattern.
Being sensitive, nurturing, or sensuous with yourself is not about threatening your sexual orientation or masculinity; it is about being in touch with your body and learning to pleasure it in nongenital ways. ....
In our addiction, we learned to fill our shame core from outside: how much sex we scored, how many secrets we could get away with, ... how great we looked, how much attention we could solicit. ...
In recovery, we learn to fill ourselves from the inside out. This is done through the art pf self-nurturing and self-care. Each time we honor ourselves by listening or supportively reacting to our internal cues, we are healing the shame core. This is the foundation of sexual health.
As trauma survivors, we learned to disconnect not only from our feelings, but from our bodies. ... Coming back to our bodies, or being present, can feel awkward or uncomfortable. It can also generate a great deal of fear: the fear of the unknown, the fear of triggered memories, or actual physical discomfort or pain.
This is why recovery is a process, a gradual building of self-attunement and awareness. We allow ourselves to build on each step to avoid overwhelming or flooding our system with too much change, confusion, or information.
We learn to live in the moderation of recovery, as opposed to the extremes of addiction.'' (pp 220-222)


  1. Such wonderfully laid opinions. Your idea of one's sexuality coincides with the way that I myself view it. It's good to know that I have someone who thinks the same way as myself.

  2. Just to be clear, these are quotes from a book I am reading, and as I read them they fascinate me. They are not exactly MY ideas/experiences :)


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