Sunday, September 16, 2007

Are you ready?

I am ready. I have recovered (almost) from a two-weeks flu, totally sucked, and after a long hot summer the weather has turned fantastic since Friday. Therefore, since Friday evening, I am experiencing one of the worst phases of depression for about two days now.
I feel all doors close on my face, I hate myslef and everything around me. I have a deep feeling that I am wasting valuable moments without even slightly enjoying them.
Sometimes, I am lying on my bed for a while and all the time thoughts, chains of thoughts, pass my mind at unbelievable speed, to the extent that I almost feel the nausea from a fast bumpy ride.
I do not smoke, drink alcohol, do drugs; I hate myself and everyone and everything around me; I wish I could start over everything anew from somewhere and sometime else. But of course, I have so much experience with my depression to know these thoughts are less genuine than dreams of a junkie to get clean.
Nevertheless, I feel I am ready.

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